i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
