So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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