We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
