I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
