it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
