Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
