Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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