You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
