It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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