Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
