Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
