He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
