I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So much Jack, so little girl.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
