We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
