Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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