Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
