Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
