her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
