Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
