It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
that is very illegal...i love you.
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