I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
