oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
