I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
