sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
