Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
soo... how was my night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
