I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
