I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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