Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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