She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
