my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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