He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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