All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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