theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
