smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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