Even the bartender felt bad for me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
