Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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