dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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