the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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