i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
