when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
