omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
