Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
