You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
