Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
