is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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