i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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