Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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