She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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