tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
