mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
