I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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