I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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