Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
