my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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