The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
