i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
