i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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