not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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