..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
