im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
