Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
