1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
