He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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