I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
