FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
