been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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