They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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