Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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