O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
