You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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