we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Watching her eat just hurts me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
